New Banner3

I Have Never...

Monday, July 04, 2005

24 Days...

Weekend Catch Up...

Friday 1st "I Have Never introduced myself to a new neighbour so rudely."

I think it was something along the lines of...

"F*** F*** F***."

I repeated this two or three times.
Not in his general direction, I might add.
Let's just say it had been a long day.

To have got home and discovered no parking spaces in the car park outside the flat had been the final straw. He got the brunt due to the fact that he was unloading his car at the time, and just happened to say 'Hello'.

I made a mental note, and apologised yesterday. After all, I can't stay mad at the fellow - he's painted his front door a normal colour again after his predecessor had coloured it a ghastly bright green...

Saturday 2nd "I Have Never been so ashamed of vomiting after drinking too much."


Three bottles of wine and four bottles of Stella to be shared between my female accomplice and me in front of the telly.

Precious little in the way of nibbles.

Drinking commences about 3pm (or should I say 'after the best bits'). I proceed to polish of the lion's share of the wine over the proceeding 4 or 5 hours. Let's say, approximately two of the three bottles.

Start on the Stella. Couple of bottles in, starting to zone in and out. Probably around Velvet Revolver.

Finally have to retreat to the toilet during Pink Floyd, leaving my companion somewhat nonplussed. At my age, I should be made of sterner stuff. It just goes to show how little I binge drink these days...

Then, having said goodbye to the contents of my stomach backwards, I decide now's a good time to shave!!! I thought I'd learnt that wasn't a great idea when I was 21... Still, somehow pull it off and return to the lounge for the Finale.

What on earth are the Kaiser Chiefs doing playing Philly?

With this conundrum in my head, I retreat to the joys of 24 Hour Party People on DVD. My friend drifts off to bed, and I doze on the couch for a bit.

Sunday 3rd "I Have Never been faced with such good and bad customer service on the same day."

The perils of purchasing a new kitchen appliance.

NEGATIVE - A reknowned Electric Store who shall remain nameless... (think Korma or Madras).
The assistant tells us he'll serve us in a minute, then wanders off.
Comes back past us two minutes later - 'I'll be right with you!'
Finally serves us after 5 inutes of toe tapping.
Looks at appliance. 'You want that one?' as if he has just spotted dog do on his shoe.
'I'm afraid you can't have it for another month. It's part of the display you see, nothing to do with me.'
When asked how much installation would be - '£119'. NOT including the appliance! 'Well that's the cost of getting British Gas', he says.

One customer totally switched off.

POSITIVE - Go to the source, and the British Gas own store. The place is quiet, but well laid out. I am faced with three possible options.
The assistant recognises which is my favourite immediately, and explains the drawbacks of the other models DESPITE the fact that they would have been a larger purchase.
Relaxed and interested.
When asked about delivery - 'We could get it out and fitted tomorrow if you like.'
Installation Price? - '£69' a massive £50 saving!

Needless to say, one customer walking away with the deal having been done.

So that's the present from my parents purchased.

What was it?

Monday 4th "I Have Never pimped my hob."

Gone is the tatty old oven top. Only one of the rings actually worked. This had led to a diet of stir frys and an over reliance on microwaves.

Now there it resides in all it's glory...

No longer the old mucky off white... but GLEAMING CHROME.

I think it's time to go and make my inaugural meal on it. I'll be able to cook four things simultaneously!

Aaaahh, such extravagance.

Razorlight:Up All Night - One of last year's biggest treats. Worth a revisit following Jonnhy Borrell's sterling performances at Glasto and Live8. When The Strokes return, they'll have competition.
Highlight - Stumble And Fall