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I Have Never...

Sunday, June 05, 2005


"I Have Never attended a birthday party for less than an hour."

Anne had been in 'I Have Never'. This was a bit of a landmark birthday (whisper it... 40). I'd had the invite ages ago, and had agreed to go.

Only later had I realised that it clashed with the last night of Blue Remembered Hills... a show I had agreed to usher.

I had the best of intentions.
I did my ushering duties.
Finished about 8.30pm.

One slight problem. The show had attracted a considerable number of old techies who I hadn't seen in absolute ages. I figured that a drink couldn't harm.

Well, maybe a couple of drinks...

Before I knew it, closing time had reared it's ugly head. How on earth had we got to 11pm already? I blame the 'Gilli Surprise'. This is a combination of 1/2 pint of Guinness and a Banana Mudshake which I invented a couple of years ago. Why did it get it's name? Because it was Gilli who dared me to mix the two in the first place. Now, it may look like cold sewage water, but to me it is an alluring beast of a drink.

I must have had about 4 of them.

Time was ticking away. We crammed into a car about 11.30pm and drove over to the hotel where it was being held. Somehow I had acquired myself a straw hat which leant me an air of Huckelberry Finn. This didn't leave me all night.

11.50pm and we were there. Just in time for the DJ to play the last song. I found Anne and drunkenly apologised for being so late... then headed to the bar. No mudshakes here (or Guinness for that matter) so had to make do with a couple of Bailey's.

The bar closed shortly after. We all piled back in the car and headed onto a fine late night hostelry. So ended my shortest ever visit to a Birthday Party.

We sang Beatles' songs until the early hours. No accompaniament - just sang ourselves horse.

Now, that's what I call a reunion.

"What's the shortest period of time that you've attended a celebration?"

White Stripes:Elephant - On the eve of the new album, why not go back to their classic? I once used Ball and a Biscuit to choreograph a couple performing foreplay on stage...
Highlight - B & B

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