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I Have Never...

Thursday, April 21, 2005


"I Have Never been so nervous about an audition."

I've just got back from the theatre. That was a long audition.

I got there early. I may have mentioned this before, but I'm an "on time" not an "in time" person. The former (invariably) is ridiculously early, but arrives safe in the knowledge that they'll never be late. The latter usually turns up at exactly the right time... unless they get delayed. I blame my mother - but then that's another story, and it would be churlish to complain after yesterday's gush.

Anyway, I arrive at about ten past seven to find the place deserted. Concerned I've got the wrong night (is it really Thursday? Strange. It still feels like Wednesday) I call Iain, the Director. No... I have got the right night, but he and Mike (the writer) are having a drink in the pub before things kick off.

They arrive 5 minutes later, followed by numerous people that I don't know.

I'd not expected this. I though it would be the 'usual' crowd. Clearly Iain has been spreading the word far and wide. I begin to worry. Some of these people even begin to look like 'professionals' in my warped mind. I know they're not. I think...

We go upstairs. Do a few warm up games (running around, sitting on each other's laps in a circle). Then we get asked to go back downstairs and wait our turn. We'll be called up in pairs (male/female) to do a piece of the script 'blind'.

Again this is not what I'd expected. I'm used to workshop auditions where everyone pitches in simultaneously. I get paired with Lucy, who fortunately I know. We do the scene about 3rd. I have to play the part of Mo. Mo is supposed to fancy Kat who Lucy plays. The impression I get is that he is supposed to be quite lewd about it.

I don't really do lewd.

Instead, I do a kind of cross between schoolboy crush and scary stalker. I doubt that this is what Iain and Mike are looking for.

Still, I'm really targeting the character of Jack. I'll get another chance with the next piece we do.

I return downstairs, and get chatting to someone I'd not met before called Claire. She proves highly entertaining and this passes the time very enjoyably. Then I realise that M is here.

I don't want to say too much. Let's just say that I'd cast M in the past. It didn't work out. Now I have two options.

1) Acknowledge M and bring him into the conversation.
2) Ignore him.

Even though he is sitting right in front of me.

And staring at me intently.

Naturally, I choose the path of the coward. Still he interjects anyway (after about 10 minutes...)
He tells us he is wearing two bracelets. Except they're not bracelets. They're really necklaces. He just prefers to wear them around his wrists.

We nod.
We smile.

Iain saves us. It's time to do the next section.
I get grouped with Lisa (someone I know! Hoorah) and a kid (who I don't and now feel somewhat foolish that I didn't catch his name - he'll probably get the part now).We run over the scene we've been given a couple of times. Then it's up the stairs of doom...

I can't say I gave my best. I'd been much more convincing as Jack downstairs (in my head).If you hear no more of this, you'll know that I didn't get in.

(Although I may still try and wangle a role as Shadow Director. After all it's a really good script)

When have you unexpectedly got nerves?

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